Rough Groove

33!

Bring in the beer! The birthday celebrant is here!!! Yes exactly 33 years ago, I saw the light of this world. Now, here I am, broke. Hahahaha…

Seriously, three years ago, on the occassion of my 30th birthday, I originally planned to go to Vietnam and spend a vacation there but with the breakout of the bird flu epidemic, I decided instead to go local and visit Batanes for a week. Why venture into a far off place instead of celebrating 30 years of living in the company of friends and loved ones? Hmm, friends, they will always be around in times of thick and thin. Lovers? Several months before that day I was nursing a heartache as tragedy befell me. I need to be alone. But, as they say, when a door closes, a window opens. After that trip, I was blessed with a wonderful companion, friend and lover who I purposely chased and convinced that I am the knight in shining armor, the sole flame of a candle in the sea of darkness…

The hills are alive in the verdant slopes of Basco, Batanes.

Going 30 was somewhat of a big significant event for me. The past three decades was spent in innocence, lost it at 18 during a drunken party, self discovery, discovering others and enjoying them, going to work, working out, working late, working to half past midnight, working to death.

I dreaded 30. I didn’t know what was instore for me. Will I be promoted? Will I finally settle down and have family? Will I still embark on that personal crusade to conquer myself and the world? Will I still go to places in pursuit of adventure, fun, flesh, frontiers? Okay, the flesh part is too much, maybe carried away with hitting the keyboard. I’m not that maniacal. I travelled to Batanes to find myself. To find the meaning of life. To know if the sun also shines and sets there beautifully. To learn if I still have a place, a chance to shine in this world. Well, that weeklong journey didn’t give me answers. But it opened my eyes to the beauty of the world. And Life.

The past three years after I was 30 has been eventful. Life changing. I was assigned in Makati but the constant slow tedium of work, finally caught up with me and finally, I’ve resigned. Goodbye to almost 9 years of doing telecoms work that has become a good third of my working life. From a promising cadet engineer in Cebu, driven, with all the best intentions, taking orders from superiors, performing well, volunteering for a relocation in Davao, agreeing to another relocation to Cagayan de Oro, then back to Davao again, without questions, always savoring the moment and finally, transferred in Makati. But slowly, the enthusiasm has started to wane. All those years. This was compounded by the death of a special person. A lover. Tragedy. Tragic.

The death of my father last year was the turning point. The crux. The start of a new life as I realized that I have to pursue my dreams. Pursue what makes me happy and face it squarely.

As I look into the long and far horizon, I’m enthusiastic despite the odds. I’m excited of this new life, this new beginning despite sometimes I’m thinking if I did the right thing or not. Of course, most of the time I’m too proud to accept it as kind of a drawback but then, these are just trials. I will live life. I will live my dreams. I will conquer myself.

Being in the 30s is not really that dreaded a thing. Not that bad after all. I think. I’m still finding out with my fingers crossed.